Knee Deep in the Passenger Seat
Welcome to your new favorite podcast, where the two hottest metamours in town spill the tea on all things sex, dating, and relationships. We're diving deep into the wild world of non-monogamy, navigating queer issues with humor and heart, and obsessing over our latest hyperfixations. Expect real talk, lots of laughs, and some spicy moments. Whether you're here for the hot takes or just to hang with your new besties, we've got you covered.
Knee Deep in the Passenger Seat
Knee Deep in Cybertruck Shade: Our 2024 Recap Episode
Cady & Sharilyn are back with a ✨juicy✨ rundown of their Top Ten Lists for 2024 and a peek into their Ins & Outs for 2025 (spoiler: boundaries are IN). This episode takes a thoughtful look at the highs and lows of the past year—caregiver burnout, the joy of creativity and cosplay, and the vital role of queer community—and sets the stage for an intentional and empowered year ahead.
We explore themes of self-compassion, the transformative power of art, the importance of nourishing our bodies, and the art of detachment, all while celebrating personal growth and connection. Whether you’re reflecting on your own year or planning for what’s next, this conversation is full of insight, inspiration, and a touch of humor.
Tune in to set the tone for your 2025! 🎧✨
Referenced in this Episode:
- Cady’s IG: @ageofsexploration
- Sharilyn’s new project (‼️) @queerwomenspoetrycollective
- I Am by @anyalincoln
Follow Us:
- Instagram: @KneeDeepPodcast
- TikTok: @KneeDeepPodcast
- Cady: @ageofsexploration
- Sharilyn: @queerwomenspoetrycollective
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Transcript of Episode 3: Knee Deep in Cybertruck Shade
Transcribed by Kris
Cady Moore (00:01)
Hi everyone, Cady here. So this episode was supposed to come out last week and I completely neglected to realize how burnt out I was going to be at the end of the year. So you're getting it now as a fun little New Year's treat. Happy 2025 and let this be a reminder to myself and all of you to schedule in time for rest because we all need it. Anyway, that's enough for me. Enjoy this episode of knee deep in the passenger seat.
[Intro music theme ending with the words “Knee deep in the passenger seat”.]
Cady Moore (00:54)
[Silly voice] Let's fucking go bitches. Let's go.
Hey there everyone. Welcome back to knee deep in the passenger seat where we dive into sex, relationships, non-monogamy, queer issues and all the spicy topics that keep life interesting. I'm your host Cady
Sharilyn Wester (01:12)
And I'm Sharilyn! Cady, what is in your passenger seat today?
Cady Moore (01:18)
Per usual... it is my luteal phase. I - [Sharilyn: Your biggest op].. my biggest opp. I had a tiny bit of a like snappy, gworl meltdown yesterday while making homemade Crunchwrap Supremes. And I later had to text both of my partners and go, “uumm I just realized I'm on day 19 of my cycle. I'm sorry, but my grumpiness is still valid.”
Sharilyn Wester (01:47)
Absolutely it is. Yeah.
Cady Moore (01:48)
Yeah, I just have been really in, well, not to like segue directly into what's in your passenger seat, but I've just been taking care of people a lot lately and I'm tired. So Sharilyn, what's in your passenger seat?
Sharilyn Wester (02:05)
Yeah, absolutely. I've also been taking care of a lot, particularly my oldest. She has the flu. She was diagnosed with the flu today, unfortunately. So very little sleep last night, very little rest and alone time. My kids are on Christmas break and like naturally, you know, within the first week, my oldest is sick. So.
Sharilyn Wester (2:29)
Yeah, so I'm feeling burnt out. I feel like it's very symbolic of my energy towards the end of the year in general. [Cady: Mhmm] This is just kind of an acute event that punctuates that. And of course, I just like feel so bad for her [Cady:Mhm] because it's not fun being sick. It's not being it's not fun being sick this close to the holidays. And sometimes like there's nothing I can do to make her feel better other than, you know, try and give her medicine and baths and snuggles and movies and tea and all of that. She's 10. So yeah, so today I'm feeling also kind of low energy, a little burnt out in caretaker mode, but just trying to keep my awareness of that centered [Cady: Mhm] so that I don't, so that I'm not big angry mom, you know, especially during this time. So yeah…
Cady Moore (03:25)
Dude, I totally get that. And I feel like this time of year, I actually was just working on making some Instagram content about it because I think that there's a lot of pressure to spend so much time out and doing things and spending time in big groups [Sharilyn: Yes] and spending time with family, which we know... I mean, gosh.
Cady Moore (03:44)
There are so many reasons for this time of year to be really hard, none the least of which being that it is the winter and like we're supposed to be cozy and at home and like taking care of ourselves. [Sharilyn: Mhm] And yet we're expected to go to all these parties and do all these things. And for people who are sober or sober curious or sober ish, it's like everything is dedicated to alcohol and like drinking and partying. And it's just a lot. [Sharilyn: Mhm, absolutely] So I think the mess, the through line for both of us is the end of the year is really hard [Sharilyn: yes] and it really, it takes a lot. It takes a big toll on our bodies.
Sharilyn Wester (04:18)
Yeah, and our brains too. I think for people who have naturally high expectations of ourselves, expectations from others, maybe consciously or unconsciously thrust upon us to show up at our highest selves - even when we're not - you know, the scarcity of the holidays. So you have to make it count and you have to make it special and you have to make it magical. That's a lot of pressure [Cady: Mhm] on anyone, let alone towards the end of the year. And when you're being pulled in a million directions and your gas tank is on empty.
Sharilyn (4:58)
And I think leaning away from that scarcity - and something we're going to talk about today is the joy of missing out rather than the fear of missing out - and leaning into that and embracing that a little bit more I think is really important during especially holiday season when you just have to kind of perform sometimes.
[Laughter]
Cady Moore (05:17)
[In a silly voice] We're putting our game face on. [Sharilyn: Yeah] I've got black lines under my eyes. Like, I'm ready. [Sharilyn: I know] I don't know, that does something. I know that cheetahs have the black under their eyes so that they can see you. [Sharilyn: Raccoons!] And raccoons, it's like a real thing.
Sharilyn Wester (05:35)
Yeah, I just want to eat trash in my little trash pile with you.
Cady Moore (05:37)
Yeah, you know someday we'll just have the cutest little dumpster just for us.
Sharilyn Wester (05:38)
Just us. And it will be Barbie Pink.
[Laughter]
Cady Moore (5:41)
How did you know that I was literally picturing a Barbie pink dumpster with glitter on it?
Sharilyn Wester (05:47)
Barbie pink next to, next to the other natural waste ones that's bright green. Call back to wicked. Yeah.
Cady Moore (05:51)
Mm-hmm. It'll be perfect. Yeah, I was gonna say, [Silly voice] Pink and Green! I think the other thing about the end of the year - and this is where I'm gonna get on my soapbox a little bit - but I have a lot of beef with New Year's resolutions. I do not like to yuck other people's yums just as a general rule. So for folks who love New Year's resolutions, I am not trying to throw shade at you, but from... this “Jewitch girly”, that is Jewish witchy girly, like my spiritual energy right now is, as I already mentioned, it's about hibernating and being cozy and taking care of ourselves. And, you know, the Jewish New Year is in the fall, which is a time for change and getting ready for winter. And winter just doesn't feel like a time to make big changes for me.
Sharilyn Wester (06:55)
Right.
Cady Moore (06:56)
And so I always struggle with the idea that like, you know, obviously it is a new year. Especially as a business owner, there's a lot of things that have to happen and you do… do like projection and goal setting, all these things. But I'm like, I struggle so much, but I am always stoked for opportunities to reflect and to look back [Sharilyn: I was gonna say.] and pause and be like, whoa, look how far we've come. [Sharilyn: I love that]
Cady Moore (7:15)
I'm definitely like, I'm a pusher. I push - [Sharilyn: right, you push people] - I push people. And so I forget to stop and be like, wow, what a year we've had. [Sharilyn: yeah] So we are using today as an opportunity to do a little bit of like looking back on the year that we've had with gratitude and excitement. [Sharilyn: reflecting] And you know, yes, some projecting towards what is next for us, but from a more sustainable standpoint, right?
Sharilyn Wester (07:46)
Yeah I agree. I think like to add on to your point, again, I think the immediacy and the demand on people to create big change as the new year comes, it's unsustainable [Cady: Mhm]. I wholly believe New Year's resolutions should be about centering yourself in the moment, reflecting and projecting based on where you are, where you wanna be or where you wanna go and what parts of you are serving those goals, what parts of you wants to change that - but to no effect of immediacy or this idea that radical transformation is gonna happen as soon as the clock strikes midnight.[Cady: Mm. Mm-hmm] I just fully don't invest in that. I think, yeah, I fully agree. I think making time for reflection and to check in with yourself, to check in on your relationships, to check in on maybe your career or creative goals or your friendships and kind of take measure of those kindly to yourself is really important. So I think with one of our lists, I know we did a top 10 list [Cady: Mhm] for the year and Cady, I wonder if you would be willing to start us off on some of yours.
Cady Moore (09:10)
Yeah, absolutely. So Sharilyn and I were talking before we started that we both have a lot of trouble with ranking things. So this is in no particular order. These are just the things when I was like scrolling back, literally I scroll back through my phone to be like, what even happened this year? [Sharilyn laughing: Yea] But of course [aughing] the first thing I'm gonna bring up is Taylor Swift. [Sharilyn laughs: Of course]
Cady Moore (09:30)
But really, like on multiple levels -specifically the Tortured Poets department - but really the whole Eras tour and the way in which we got to see girlhood be reclaimed in so many ways. [Sharilyn: Mhm] I also personally know multiple people who were not Taylor Swift fans and were even like anti-Taylor Swift until this year. [Sharilyn: Yes] And I have had so much fun being able to share my
relationship with Taylor with them as someone who I mean Tim McGraw, which was Taylor's first single was the first song that I learned how to play on guitar when I was 14. Like… and also it was her song for my night at the Era's tour and I sobbed like a baby.
Sharilyn Wester (10:20)
I love that.
Cady Moore (10:21)
Just being able to.. Yeah, it was… [Cady sighs]
And it was just really special to be able to watch so many people experience joy together collectively and really to watch my friends like unpack the internalized misogyny that they were buying into and realizing like, and - oh for what is worth, like I'm not telling people that they are a misogynist if they don't like Taylor Swift. Like that's not the point here, but the point being that, you know, these people that I specifically am talking about and talking to were like, “ oh, so much of my criticism of her and dislike of her came from what was being taught to me and what was being, what pressure was being put on me. And as soon as I like checked my shit and actually listened, I'm really into this.” [Sharilyn: Right] So yeah, so my first one is Taylor Swift / the tortured poets department / reclaiming our girlhood and just, yeah, yeah.
Sharilyn Wester (11:21)
Yes, right I love that. And I think one thing I loved about it, because I wouldn't proclaim myself as a Swiftie, but I've been very familiar with her body of work, obviously, in pop culture. And I love a lot of her songs. I've never done as deep of a dive as a lot of diehard Swifties. And I… I love hearing people talk about how much they love her, because then I get excited about it. And I feel like seeing this almost from an outsider's perspective, like one foot in one foot out, where like, yeah, like her music is great. And I'm familiar with her and I'm familiar with her body of work in the longevity that she's had in the success that she's had. But so many of my friends are diehard fans.
Sharilyn (12:04)
And I love… I love nothing more than to hear people talk about like their… joy, quite frankly, that they get from her as a person as an artist as a creator and I think one thing that was really cool is going from like the Barbie movie summer last year [Cady: Mmmh] into the Eras tour into Wicked. [Cady: Ugh] Like I feel like it's been a great year, year and a half for girlhood and I feel like she kind of embodies and epitomizes that.
Cady Moore (12:36)
Oooh you gave me goosebumps. I have goosebumps. Yeah.
Sharilyn Wester (12:40)
Yeah, and Chappell and Brat Summer, like it's been and Sabrina Carpenter and Billie, like all of these women who are so successful in their fields, who are just passionate songwriters and poets and all of that. I think that's amazing. Thank you for sharing that.
Cady Moore (12:50)
Mm-hmm. Uuuughhh So cheers to girlhood.
Sharilyn Wester (12:53)
Cheers to girlhood. I love that. Okay, so number one on my top 10 list is self-expression through art. It seems like kind of a very general statement, but I think in reflecting on this past year and like grounding myself in my goals, in what I wanna represent…
For those who don't know who I haven't, I haven't really talked about on the pod a lot, but I'm currently a student of social work and the field I want to go into after grad school is art therapy or expressive arts therapy. So utilizing tools that everyone has at their disposal, whether they self identify as an artist or not, in order to express themselves through the language of art, whether that's movement, poetry, singing, listening to music, writing… whatever… and empowering people to really step into their self-confidence in expressing themselves in that way is something that I firmly want to dedicate my life to.
Sharilyn Wester (13:56)
And I think I've also had to experience that myself this year. I've made more political art than I ever have. I've made more self-expressive art than I ever have. I've tried more mediums than I ever have, partially due to a course in college I took earlier this year called “art appreciation” in which you learn how to examine art, identify it, determine how it makes you feel and like really learning like what is art, which I mean, spoiler - it's everything. [Cady laughs] It can be anything. But yeah, I think that is one thing that I've really had to like re like ground myself in of like, okay, yes, I, sometimes feel fidgety when I haven't painted in a while or, or whatever, but
Sharilyn Wester (14:38)
When I'm in those moments, I'm like, oh, I can open the notes app on my phone and write a quick poem, or I can look through a book and find a prompt and push myself creatively. And the catharsis that is born from that is so valuable. And I'm just really - it just makes me really excited for my future and sharing that with others and some projects I've started recently, which is fun, so…
Cady Moore (15:07)
[Excitedly] Mmh!I just love sitting….I just love… I love watching you talk and I love listening to you talk. I love listening to you talk about art in particular because it's just so obvious that it is a core part of your soul. [Sharilyn: Awe!] And it just really, I love that…. Sorry, I'm not trying to make you cry.
Sharilyn Wester (15:39)
[Pretending to cry] It's fine, it's fine, I'm really good.
Cady Moore (15:46)
But I'm really excited to see how that manifests this year and also to learn from you [Sharilyn: Thank you] because I feel like there have definitely been times where you have asked me like, when's the last time you made art? And I'm like, oh, you're right. [Sharilyn: Yeah!] I do need to do that.
Sharilyn (15:59)
Even in the genesis of our… of the pod, I remember we had talked about self-identifiers just as a way to introduce ourselves to our audience. And I was like, hey, you also are an artist. I didn't see that on here, by the way - because you are! You're an incredible artist. People don't know this about you, but you're incredible artist and like-
Cady Moore (16:23)
I do like to paint, [in a silly voice] it’s “twue”.
Sharilyn Wester (16:14)
It is so good.
Cady Moore (16:17)
Thanks, baby I appreciate you. I do, I like to play with color I think that's that's how it comes up for me is I just I love color. I did [giggles] - I don't know if we're allowed to talk about illegal activities on this pod, but whatever we're going to! [Sharilyn laughs: we’re going to]
I enjoyed some psilocybin over the weekend and color was a really big part of it. But we're gonna we're actually gonna talk about that in our ins and outs [Sharilyn: yes] so I will move on to my number two on my top 10 list.
Cady Moore (16:45)
Okay, so I am Jewish, which I already mentioned once, but I will bring it up more all the time because it is truly one of the most core facets of my identity. I kept kosher for like a couple years when I was the director of a Jewish youth group because I felt a little bit like a hypocrite by telling them that they couldn't eat something that I was eating. [Sharilyn Mm-hmm] And then I married my spouse who has kept kosher style his whole life. But really besides that, that is the only mindful eating I've ever done. And this year in order to try to get to the root of why I could not get rid of my recurring BV - bacterial vaginosis - I'm pretty sure I've already talked about that on this pod and it will come up again. And I knew I had to like fix my gut.
Cady (17:27)
So I did an elimination diet in April and it was like really truly - and I feel a little silly sometimes speaking this way, but like I'm a hyperbolist I exaggerate - but it really was one of the most mentally difficult things I've done because it just required me to completely change my relationship with food. I am an emotional eater for sure. I had emotional eating modeled to me. I am Jewish so I have intergenerational trauma around food. Like there's a lot there. And a lot came out of the woodworks while I was figuring this out and it was really, really hard.
Cady (18:12)
And so it was really cool to see how it completely changed my well-being. I've definitely been slacking over the last month and a half - that's because of hello, we already talked about what time of year it is. But yeah, so I did an elimination diet that was really hard and it also got me back into cooking again [Sharilyn: Yeah] and like eating more whole foods as opposed to relying on processed foods for snacks, even like quote healthy processed foods. It just, it really, shifted my mindset a lot. even though was one of the harder things I've done, it definitely goes in my top 10 because it was a large… it definitely played a big role in 2024 for me.
Sharilyn Wester (19:00)
Yeah, absolutely. And I think a lot of people don't realize how many times one interacts with food or drink throughout the day. And I'm kind of I've been doing a similar thing. And I know we've talked about it a little bit off off cam, but I started in October and I've cut out a lot of stuff. And for me, that came primarily from like having a lot of brain fog. Also from just like noticing changes in my body now that I'm in my 30s and like bloating and fatigue and all of that and so… changing my understanding of how to interact with food has really been a game changer and being conscious of it and not it being something passive that happens to me, but something as a method of fuel for my brain [Cady: Mhm] for feeling like my best self has been really, really helpful.
Sharilyn (20:03)
And I understand like, a lot of people think like, you're like you're going on diet. It's hard because it's hard to stick to. A lot of times we don't realize that food is such a cultural thing [Cady: Mhm] when you gather with friends at a, you know, at a brewery to eat pizza and beer and whatever. And like you have to say no to a lot of stuff. Birthday cake, you know, that kind of stuff. So it's yeah, that is that is really huge. And I'm really proud of you for… because you stuck with it for a long time now. And it really is a huge shift. So congratulations.
Cady Moore (20:35)
Thank you, thanks baby. Yeah, it definitely shifted some things and it, yeah. Yeah, thank you.
Sharilyn Wester (20:41)
I love that. So my number two on my top 10 list is something called the art of detachment. And if you're familiar with this, you may have seen this around on the TikToks or the grams. But a lot of people believe that when you're practicing the art of detachment, as someone who is maybe like an anxious attachment person, it is not detaching from things or relationships or things in your life in a way that's like “I don't care what you do, I'm just going to go do my own thing.” It is an act of self love. It is like a process of exploring your attachment style and your relationship with control in your life.
Sharilyn Wester (21:27)
For people who've had, you know, trauma in their childhoods or even their adulthoods, control can be a measure in which you utilize it as self protection. Knowing things, knowing what people are up to, what they're doing, needing validation from others, that kind of thing. So the art of detachment is like grounding yourself in your own wholeness, in your own security, and as a byproduct, the mantra of “let them” being something that you embrace of “this person may do this thing, I can't control what they do, I'm going to let them and therefore then set my own boundaries”. Not restrictions, not saying you can't do that as a way of trying to control someone else. It's “you can do that, but then I am going to react like this or I need this” or whatever. And so it really is an act of self love because you're setting not only boundaries for yourself because that's what it is. Not really a boundary against someone else. It's a boundary for yourself.
Sharilyn (22:29)
But by doing so, you're setting a standard for yourself. And as someone who has been a chronic people pleaser and, again, like, anxious attach and like, “I want to do everything for you”, it has been a really great way of centering my experience rather than someone else's behaviors or actions. [Cady: Mmh] And so for me in particular, with like certain relationships with family, you know, my mother, just relationships in general, friendships, romantic relationships, whatever, that has been really transformative and it's something I'm exploring a little more in doing some identity work in a book I'm reading, which I'll talk about later. But yeah, so that has been one big thing is just the art of detachment and the mantra of just like, “let them.”
Cady Moore (23:13)
Mmh, I feel like I need to… the minute you started talking about this, I was like, “ oh you mean what I talked about in therapy today?”
Sharilyn Wester (23:13)
[Excitedly] Oh yeah, I would love to talk about this off the pod with you! We can get into it.
Cady (23:19)
Yeah. Do you want to, yeah, do you want to give us your number three since it's so directly connected? I feel like I don't want us to tangent too far away from it.
Sharilyn Wester (23:29)
Yeah, no, absolutely. I think for me, as an act of self-love and determining what works for you and what doesn't - I've found that one thing I tend to do is I fall on a sliding scale of people pleasing and boundary shifting, meaning that I might have a boundary for something. So say it's for… you know, say for example, even just like with my kids, I have a an expectation that like, you take your shoes off at the door, you put them back in the shoe cubby. I spent a lot of time organizing it, please do that. If I come out one day and the shoes are strewn across the living room, part of me will rationalize, well, she had a hard day at school, [Cady:Mh] or she's tired, or like, she'll get around to it, you know what I mean?
Sharilyn Wester (24:31)
So that initial expectation I had has fallen out on a sliding scale of like when it's enforceable. Do you know what I mean? [Cady: Mhm] And a relationship sometimes we can get that way too with friendships, whatever. “Oh” you know, “they haven't texted me back and I've reached out to try and get a phone call with them, but they've been really busy at work or they've been doing this or they've been, you know, dating around” or whatever it is. And so oftentimes when resentment builds because of that, it's not because they are acting a certain way. Oftentimes it's because you've let them pass your own boundary [Cady: Mhm, mhm] or you've lowered that boundary or that standard for them. [Cady: Yep]
Sharilyn Wester (25:16)
One thing in particular I've been more stringent on is time. Like I am a very anxious, like anal time person. [laughs] I like to be on time. I like to show up on time. I like to clarify on time. That is something that honestly - probably as someone who loves control - has been like very intense in my life. [Cady: Relatable] And so when other people aren't on time, very often I will rationalize the reasons over, but this will happen over and over and over again. And so then the boundary is now completely eroded because I've not stuck to that. [Cady: Mhm] And then when I get upset that someone say hasn't been on time frequently, it's because I've lowered my own boundary for them. And so learning what those boundaries are, [Cady: Mhm] vocalizing them and sticking to them. Within reason, obviously, things come up and that's normal, we live adult lives, but within reason as a form of not self-abandoning your needs has been really important. That was kind of my number three, my follow-up to that.
Cady Moore (26:15)
Okay, so number three for you is being clear with your expectations and your boundaries and communicating them.
Sharilyn Wester (26:23)
Yeah. Yeah, clarifying, vocalizing, and reinforcing.
Cady Moore (26:28)
Hell yeah. Oof, you’re so hot right now. Whew!
Sharilyn Wester(26:34)
Thank you. In my World of Warcraft t-shirt for those who can't see.
Cady Moore (26:38)
Which you were explaining to me and then Sam hopped on to help us with our mics. Shout out to Sam. Yeah. Shout out to Sam, our producer-ish splash records. We had some issues with our sound on our last episode and so we think we've got it figured out. [Sharilyn: We're working on it.] Yeah, we’re working on it. [in a toddler voice] We're just babies. We're just girls. It's not our fault.
Cady (27:13)
I was also laughing earlier with Sharilyn that a lot.. Like her top ten list feels very it was very intentional and like a little cerebral and mine are like… [Sharilyn laughs: Sentimental]
[Cady laughs] So my number three is clicky clackies, which is what I call my nails.
Sharilyn Wester (27:31)
[Laughter] Perfect follow up to sliding scale boundaries. A natural progression, if you will.
Cady Moore (27:350
A natural progression. So yeah I got long nails for the first time in my life. Yeah, clicky clackies. I don't know if I can do it on the mic. I got them on kind of a whim so that I could have vulva nails for Sex Down South, which spoiler alert is on my top 10 list, so you'll hear about it in a second.
And I just really love them. I got them taken off briefly for like a week. I mean, yes, my nails were very weak, which was part of the problem, but like also I just really missed them. It just feels so fun and powerful and cool. I don't know, I love. So number three for me is my clicky clackies.
Sharilyn Wester (28:24)
I love that. Okay, because we all need a good stim from time to time and why not just have them attached to your body?
Cady (28:30)
Yeah, no, absolutely. The scritches are so good. The scritches are so good.
Sharilyn (28:37)
Oh My gosh, the head scritches and for me, it's like digging in my eye when I have a little goober and I'm just like, uugh, I'm ready to pop that sucker out. So good. Yeah.
Cady Moore (28:49)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, the next set though is I gotta figure out what to do about the fact that I use my pinky. I'm not allowed to put things in my ears. My ENT, my ear, nose, and throat doctor says I can't and my long ass pinky nails can go in my ears. So gotta figure that out. That's a later - We love stimming. We love stimming. [Sharilyn: We love to stim] even in a way that is unhealthy for our body.
[Laughter]
Sharilyn Wester (29:16)
100 % yeah we've talked about lots of ways in which we stim that I don't think we can say on here that involve hair… but yeah.
[Cady Laughs]
Cady Moore (29:25]
Yeah, totally. Yeah, maybe that'll be, that'll be - once we have a Patreon- that'll be the… our subscribers will know what we're talking about.
Sharilyn Wester (29:30)
That'll be the bonus. Yeah, we'll do an episode on favorite stims.
[Cady: omg yes]
Okay, to follow up your less serious one, I also have a less serious one, which I feel like is good for matching energy. Top 10 list for 2020-4, Dune part two. What do y'all know about Paul Moidib Atreides? What do you all know about Moidib? Timothy Chalamet as Paul Atreides… This story, this epic, okay.. changed my life. Like a couple years ago when part one came out. But this one in particular, and I won't spoil it too much, but there's like romance and there's betrayal and there's political space opera. And it's just the soundtrack, Hans Zimmer on the soundtrack. [Cady:Mmh] You get him up in those beats, like, okay, know, DJ Khaled said we the best, but arguably Hans Zimmer would say we the best because he is just so… you and I have both this year rediscovered our love for Hans Zimmer and his body of work. But yes, Dune Part 2 is my number four. There's not much more to say. If you get it, you get it.
Cady Moore (30:26)
I'm so… Sharilyn, I am so proud of you. I was mentally prepared to watch the clock and cut you off. [Sharilyn laughs] Like that's what I thought was going to happen was that I was going to need to cut you. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. You did so good, baby.
Sharilyn Wester (30:39)
I literally cut myself. As soon as I saw it, was like, I got to be, I got to be brief. I got to be brief because I will spiral. I will spiral. [Cady: You’re so good] And yeah, it's… I'll trap. I'll trap people. OK, sorry. Your next one, please. I can't.
Cady Moore (30:54)
Quick, quick, continuing the sidebar very briefly though, but not too long, because time is a thing. I don't know, it was like months ago now. Sharilyn was having kind of a day, and in a group chat with her and my partner, she mentioned something about Dune, and I was like, what's it about? And she goes, [shockingly] “NO!, look what you just started, you didn't ask that”, and I'm like, I did it on purpose, because I want you to -
Sharilyn Wester (31:29)
I sent like a -
Cady Moore (31:30)
She sent like a nine minute long voice memo explaining Dune. And it was so cute, I loved it. But yeah, so that's why we're really proud of her for keeping that to under two minutes. That was amazing.
Sharilyn Wester (31:37)
And that really got me out of my funk. So thank you. [Cady: Yea] I love you and thank you for seeing me. That's so special.
Cady Moore (31:43)
There’s nothing better than letting my nerdy girl yap. It’s the best. So my number four - I bought a car this year because RIP to my Subaru Legacy that I totaled almost 51 weeks ago today. [Sharilyn: Yaaas ] Yeah, I've already talked about that particular situation. So I bought a Subaru Forester in March, she's a 2015, and I promptly found the plans to make a bed to put in her like a wooden bed platform so that I can solo camp.
Cady (32:21) I actually haven't used it to solo camp yet, but I am just really proud of myself for even doing that in the first place because you can definitely buy them. And I was like, I'm not going to buy this. I'm going to make it. And so I made a bed for my Subaru and it's really fucking cool. And I have like mosquito netting for the windows and it's… yeah, so I'm really excited to get more use out of her in 2025. And I'm going to go and literally add that to my goals for 2025 right now. You're going to hear me typing with my clicky clackies.
Sharilyn Wester (32:53)
Which I love the like, the duality of woman that was you talking about getting your vulva acrylic nails and then building a fucking bed in your Subaru. [Cady: Yeaaah!] Like that's the gayest thing I've ever heard and I love that.
Cady Moore (33:08)
Yeah! I'm gay!
[Laughter]
Sharilyn (33:16)
Which is honestly like a really great intro to my next point, which one of my top 10s, my number five is identifying and embracing queer femme and what that looks like for me. [Cady: Mmmh!] I think as everyone - well, maybe not everyone, but a lot of queers, especially femmes - have a little bit of an identity crisis [Cady: Mm] and placing themselves, especially with the intersection of bisexuality and bi erasure, find themselves kind of lost in what identifies them as queer. And so in my self exploration this year, learning what femme qualities of mine inherently come from queerness and embracing them radically has been really important.
Sharilyn (34:05)
One of those main things for me, not only as an artistic practice, but as an identifying practice is my makeup artistry and doing makeup. And that's something I didn't really think about - for all of you other femmes like maybe a little food for thought. But one thing that cishet culture radically emphasizes is the standard of beauty being like no makeup or no makeup makeup or like polished whatever. And so I've been told many times in my life that like, if I'm wearing a blue sparkly eyeshadow that just brings me inherent joy that ,”oh men don't like girls who are heavy makeup” or like “take her swimming on the first date,” you know, all of these like cultural little nuggets of like pieces that like are meant to bring down women who choose to wear cosmetics or choose to wear makeup as a form of self-expression.
Sharilyn (35:02)
And that is something I've really identified that I've always clung to that is a queer identifier for me is just like doing my makeup and doing fucking full glam at 10 a.m. because it brings me joy, because in acknowledging that it is not a cultural standard of beauty that is highly supported by like cis het males and doing it fucking anyway is a moniker of queerness. And that is one way I've been identifying my queer feminists in this past year, as well as engaging - this just kind of came to my head - but engaging in like brat summer culture and like being for the girls, you know what I mean? And like, I, that has been something that's been really important for me as far as identity work and queer identity work and all of that. so, yeah, so if you're a cis male and you tell your partner not to wear so much makeup, you get fucked. That's all I'm gonna say.
Cady Moore (35:39)
Yeah, girl, tell him, tell him, babe.
Sharilyn (36:50)
Yeah, I mean, it's body autonomy. I mean, fundamentally, it's like, I don't know.
Cady (35:58)
Good for you, baby.
Sharilyn Wester (36:00)
100%. It's a form of self-expression. It's a form of artistry. It's a way that you identify just as you would wear clothes that help you identify your sexuality or make you feel comfortable in your skin or your... Yeah. Yeah, basically all of that.
Cady Moore (36:16)
Hell yeah.. So my number five is Sex Down South, [Sharilyn: Wooo!] which I shouted out earlier with my clicky clackies. It is a festival that is held - not a festival - it's a conference. But honestly, it felt a little like a festival. It's a conference held in Atlanta and it completely changed how I view my profession and my career.
Cady Moore (36:42)
I realized that my entry into sex ed came from a very like academic and systemic avenue. It was very much like masters in public health and education and learning and that's all great. And the body was very disconnected from it. And I really got to see that front and center. It also really felt like an opportunity to worship the bodies - [Sharilyn: Yes! ] - likewith their consent and celebration and joy, like an opportunity to worship black women and their bodies. I mean, we don't need to tangent too far into American history, but like, fuck, if there's anybody that deserves to be celebrated in the sexual wellness field in particular, that is who. So just really felt like such a gift and a blessing to be there.
And I've already got my tickets for this year and I am just, yeah… So Sex Down South is my number five of 2024.
Sharilyn Wester (37:48)
Absolutely. I love that. Yeah, I think to be invited into that space to witness and participate is amazing. And I know from some of your content you posted from it, looked like just such an incredible transformative experience. And I'm so happy that you got that. [Cady: Yeah!]
Sharilyn Wester (37:54)
My next one is… one of my top 10s this year is Patience with Myself for Re-Learning Parenting a Preteen. My oldest is 10. [Cady giggles] I feel like in particular, the access to technology and online culture and just culture in general with media really, I mean, I felt it when I was my age and it certainly more progressed with today's youth, but my 10-year-old feels very much like a preteen, with the hormone changes that come with that and access to awareness of the world that comes with that.
Sharilyn Wester (38:34)
It kind of very quickly shifted from having a child to having someone who is exerting their autonomy and learning how to navigate that as a parent has been incredibly challenging in ways that I can have boundaries with her as a parent and not be her friend, but also in a way that collaborates with her, that encourages her independence, her critical thinking skills, modeling her own - like patience for her. That's been something that's been really difficult and challenging. So I think, I think, yeah, just patience for myself in relearning what this power, the power dynamic between parent and child looks like with someone whose autonomy is growing, and I don't want to stifle that. And yet I also need to be a guide for her.
Sharilyn Wester (39:21)
I'm not a friend, but a guide and like learning that because sometimes I kind of want to lean into, I feel myself leaning into like, “oh yeah, we can joke about that” and then be like, no, I need to maybe shift gears a little bit or shift my perspective on this. And so, yes, so that is my next one.
Cady Moore (39:40)
Mph, I am so excited for you. I think that like teenage girls get a real bad rep as being like really difficult and I obviously have push back to that but I just I think that even when it's hard it's just gonna be so much fun for you -
Sharilyn Wester (40:05).
Yeah, and it already is.
Cady Moore (40:07)
and you really get to like reparent yourself through parenting her and I'm just so excited. Sweet baby.
Sharilyn Wester (40:15)
Thank you.
Cady Moore (40:19)
You’re welcome! Um, yeah. So my number six is flowers. Just like generic, like just flowers as a whole. Which I know I'm like [giggles] I'm like giggling to myself a little bit because it is so non-specific, but really like when I was scrolling through my phone pictures, there are so many photos of flowers. Like this year I feel like I really honed in on trying to be more present. I mean, we're definitely, we're not there. I wouldn't describe myself as mindful yet, but really trying to spend more time noticing what is around me and the beauty that's around me. And when I see that beauty stopping to appreciate it.
Cady (41:02)
And so I have so many pictures of flowers in my phone. And so that is my number six. And before I pass to Sharilyn for number seven, w are going to take a quick bio break and then we're gonna come back for the last half, half-ish of our top 10 lists and then some rapid fire ins and outs and yeah, we'll see where we go, but we'll be right back.
[Instrumental Music Plays]
Sharilyn Wester (41:37)
Welcome back guys. Hope you had a good little bio break. We are still continuing our top 10 lists of 2024. We're at about number seven now. So my number seven on my top 10 is actually one that's kind of exciting. It's actively advocating for space for friends, family, polycule, community as both self-care and community care.
Sharilyn (42:06)
For me, this comes in the form of creating an online space. So recently I launched a project called the Queer and Women's Poetry Collective where -
[Cady makes air horn noises]
Sharilyn (42:22)
And this has been kind of a social work initiative for me as like a precursor to my art therapy career in which I want to create a safe space for queer identifying folks and women poets to learn a little bit about poets of the past, learn a little bit of history, learn different writing styles, and also as a way to create prompts for people to share and platform their own work. So monthly I'm gonna be doing writing prompts. And if you feel like you wanna participate, sometimes the prompt might be a single word, sometimes it might be a passage, sometimes it might be a song.
Sharilyn (43:05)
Writing how it makes you feel or what comes out of you and having the opportunity to have it published for everyone to see as a way of just sharing art within our communities has been something I just recently started. So you can give me a follow on Instagram if you like. I've just started with a couple posts, but I'm really excited to grow the community.
Cady Moore (43:17)
What's the handle?
Sharilyn Wester (43:26)
It is @QueerWomensPoetryCollective. It's going to sound like queer women's. It's not just for queer women. It's for queer and women. I just don't have enough space. But at Queer Women's Poetry Collective on Instagram. Another form of that is reaching out to friends, to polycule, to whatever in order to make time for togetherness. That's something I actually did earlier this month with all of us. I was like, “hey, guys, can we have a games night soon?”
Cady Moore (43:47)
[In a silly toddler voice] Yeah, I miss you. I wanna hang out with you.
Sharilyn Wester (43:41)
Right, as an act of like self care and community because we really do need each other, especially going into this next year and advocating for those spaces and finding them not only well received, but joyfully received and reciprocated has been great. So yeah, that's my number seven. What about you, Cady?
Cady Moore (44:10)
Hmph! I'm so excited to see you thrive. So number seven, I was actually thinking about this when you were talking about makeup because I did my first ever cosplay this year. I went to my first con in March as Sailor Moon and then I was Manon Blackbeak, who is my favorite character from Sarah J. Maas's Throne of Glass for Halloween. It like…
Cady Moore (44:40)
I've been thinking a lot lately… my gosh, my ADHD brain, there's so many tangents I wanna go on. So we are in the 12 days of Yule and one of the nights is all about honoring our ancestors and I've been really spending a lot of time thinking about the fictional ancestors that I have and the characters that have made me into who I am and being able to like, dress up and embody those people really just like, I don't know, man, I should have expected that it was going to get to me, but it really did something special to me. I just, yeah, so I got to do my first ever cosplay this year and it was really, really super exciting.
Sharilyn Wester (45:29)
I love that, what are some future ones that you're already brainstorming about?
Cady Moore (45:33)
Well, I want to do Manon again. [Sharilyn: Yes] I'm going to tell my story briefly. I am normally someone who is very prepared, especially for Halloween. And I did not open my wig until the day of because I was like, yeah, it's a wig. It's fine - not realizing that I had ordered a lace front wig and I called Sharilyn and was just like, “I don't know what the fuck to do.” So I want to redo it with the proper tool. [Cady laughs] because you could definitely see the lace on my wig, which again, like it's fine.
Sharilyn Wester (46:15)
Yeah. Yeah. I was like, do you have wig glue?Do you have hairspray? And you're like, “no.” And I was like, okay, we're gonna try our best.
Cady Moore (46:27)
I have none of those. So I did it with lash glue. So I definitely, wanna do her again. I kind of wanna do Anne Boleyn. [Sharilyn: oooh, stop] Like, yeah, I feel like, I just, I wanna do all the hot women that everybody thought was evil.
Sharilyn Wester (46:51)
[Laughs] my gosh, yes, I love that. Hot Evil Women. Yeah, Hot Evil Women 2025.
Cady Moore (47:00)
Yeah. Yeah, let's do it. So yeah, that's... So that's number seven is cosplay.
Sharilyn Wester (47:07)
I love that.
Cady Moore (47:09)
I know you do. You're a cosplay girly.
Sharilyn Wester (47:12)
I love a good cosplay. I've done Shego, I've done Raven. I've done a couple different ones. I've done Gandalf with big naturals, which is certainly the most important. [Cady: Mhm, absolutely]. My number eight is actually a lot more general. It's just celebrating myself. It's something I've had to learn to do this year. But I think again in grounding myself and reflecting on this past year and seeing how far I've come, like celebrating that like in… since I've been in school and a parent and a, you know, feeling like I'm a good parent and getting validation from school in the form of grades and the effort I put into what I want to learn about and engaging with learning differently.
Sharilyn (47:50)Just learning how to celebrate myself, celebrating my wins with connection, with with relationships with with art, with whatever I think is something that is, it sounds very basic, but it is profound for me. And so I encourage everyone to think of something you're proud of in the last year that you've done, something even small or big and give yourself a pat on the back.
Yes. What about you?
Cady Moore (48:16)
You're so stinking cute. So I will talk about something that I'm really proud of. Ooh, I was actually gonna skip to my number nine because - spoiler my number eight is pride - I was gonna skip ahead to number nine, which is self-compassion and forgiveness. And then I realized that I was saying pride and so should go to… I don't know whatever… so we're skipping to number nine. Self-compassion and forgiveness so that was like my big healing journey that I was on this year was really self-compassion.
Cady Moore (48:44)
And through the help of [sing-song] mushrooms, I - and like a lot of tarot and a lot of work and a lot of spending time with people who love me for exactly as I am - I feel like I've been able to find a lot more grace and compassion for myself. And I've really been able to go back and spend time with past versions of myself and give her the love that she so desperately wanted and forgive her for decisions that when I look back at them, they make me feel shame and just like really hold that space. And that's something I'm really, really proud of because it took a lot of work and a lot of [laughs] so much crying. Yeah, so that's something I'm proud of.
Sharilyn Wester (49:32)
Yeah! I am proud of you for that. I think self-forgiveness is the hardest thing because we hold ourselves to the highest standards, which therefore informs our expectations of others. And when we've fallen short of that in the past, it can feel really yucky because I mean, rather than something someone does that upsets you, that is a passing by flicker in your life, this is cemented in your history [Cady: Mhm] and going back and looking at that directly in the eyes and not stepping away from it or moving past it is very bold and brave and I'm really proud of you.
Cady Moore (50:05)
Thanks, baby. [Giggles] We did it. What are you proud of?
Sharilyn Wester (50:10)
You're welcome, my number nine is just gay.
[Laughter]
Sharilyn Wester (50:13)
Oh what am I proud of? Yeah, I'm proud of school. But I mean, honestly, I’m honestly -
Cady Moore (50:16)
Oh I was making a joke full, full segue to gay, but please continue telling me about something that you're proud of, because I want to hear it. So you're proud of school.
Sharilyn Wester (50:25)
It's just - yes, I am proud of school. I'm proud of navigating parenting. [Cady:Mm] That has been something, again, that's been really tricky that I've put a lot of work into. And I'm proud of myself for reaffirming boundaries and stepping away from things not meant for me… with grace [Cady: Mh] Oftentimes, everything I've ever loved or been wanted or wanted or desired, I've left my own.
claw and teeth marks in it trying to hold on to it.
Sharilyn (50:50) And again, that art of detachment has been really pivotal for me in letting things go [Cady: Mhm] and learning that like the change is the process.You know, it's not... Permanence is something that is put onto us as a value in our culture. You know, you hear aboutvmarriages that lasts 70 years, but you know, when you look at that, they fucking hated each other at the end [Cady: Yeah, that’s bad] or you think about careers that you've kept trying over and over again and it's not working and you see it as a sign of failure.
Sharilyn (51:32)
I think letting go of permanence and that is something I've really started to embrace this year and I'm really proud of because again, as a people pleaser and as a fixer and as everyone wants to be happy, I would often come last on that. So yeah, [Cady: Mmm] that's something I'm proud of this year. And it's taken a lot of work and it's still a work in progress and it will continue to be [Cady: Forever]. But yeah, I think one thing, this is only my number nine on this - I didn't get to number 10 [chuckles] it just says gay.
Sharilyn (52:1)
Obviously like a very brief general statement, but I think embracing queerness, embracing dating queers, being in queer spaces, having queer sex, having queer connection, having queer celebration, having queer joy, having queer poetry and queer art and queer, a queer mindset of things in which [Cady:We get it, you're gay.] Yeah I'm [in a deep voice] really gay, but in recognizing that queer is anything not of what is normal or what is accepted or what is prescribed and embracing all of those areas on that spectrum that I fall, whether it's sexuality, whether it's how I identify, whether it's the art I make, the music I listen to, the people I associate with, the people I'm attracted to, the people I date, whatever, truly has been really good for me.
Sharilyn (52:58)
And that's why, yeah, that's why for me in starting the Queer and Women's Poetry Collective, I'm like actively wanting to make more space for that. like, oh my God, this feels so good. I feel so seen. I feel so held by this group of people and accepted…even though I've known I'm queer since before I could read - I think has been so good for me. And that's been one thing that's definitely a highlight this past year.
53:33 [Insert audio clip that says “you’re gay! You’re - he’s gay!”]
Cady Moore (53:42)
I saved pride. I like waited to do pride until after you did gay. I was like, oh, I want to move mine up because I'm like listening to you talk about that and I'm like…I want that.[Sharilyn: Yeah!] And I know I'll get there. So the reason pride is on here because I went to pride this year and it was my first time going to pride as an out queer person. I am a late bloomer. I mean, I know we talked about our queer origin stories a little bit, but there's just a lot of me to, like a lot to unpack and unlearn and embrace about myself. And my queerness is definitely one of them.
Cady (54:31)
And so, yeah, so I have pride on here because it was my first pride as someone who is out and queer. And it was just like very emotional. And very very fun, but like mostly really emotional [Sharilyn: Yeah] which I didn't expect. I was really nervous and then I got there and was like Oh, wow. I want to cry like like just like constantly. I just want to cry. And so yeah, [Sharilyn:Yeah] so so pride was on here for me and I'm like, okay, maybe that's maybe that maybe next year [laughs] will be my year of really leaning into the queerness. I don't know But yeah
Sharilyn Wester (55:03) Yeah, and that joy. [Cady: Queer joy!] Mm-hmm. That makes me so happy. And I want to say that I do think like you and our group have been like pivotal in me embracing that joy, not only as like a fundamental part of me, but like wholly as me [Cady: Mmh] . You have been so transformative and supportive and like really truly like life-changing for me to find someone else who is unapologetically themselves and bubbly and loud and courageous and brave.
55:38
And I think you've really inspired me to like step into that as well as a whole and therefore has like - you know, when you fill the pond, all the ducks float, [Cady chuckles] all different parts of my personality have become better for it.[Cady: mmh] And so thank you for filling my pond and making all my gay ducks float is what I'm trying to say.
Cady Moore (55:51)
Hmm. Oh my god, I love you and I'll keep filling your pond with all of my… liquids.
[Pause]
[Laughter]
Sharilyn (56:02)
Secretions
Cady Moore (56:03)
My secretions, with my juicy pussy. Oh my God.
Sharilyn Wester (56:09)
Okay, I don't have a number 10. Do you have another one?
Cady Moore (56:12)
I do, I have a 10 and then I also have an 11.
Sharilyn Wester (56:14)
Yes. Ohh my gosh, yes. Go off queen. Riff.
Cady Moore (56:18)
Um, so my number 10 kind of goes along with, um, self-compassion and forgiveness. I started my business. started Age of Sexploration, technically in 2020, but like really in 2021. And I did not like fully throw my heart and soul into it until this year. And one of the, uh, one of the things that a marketing coach told me last year was that like, I needed to figure out my brand. And I was like, “my brand is me. Like, what are you talking about?”
Cady (56:50)
And it wasn't until I finally worked with a marketing coach who was neurodivergent. I was like - I don't know why I wasn't doing this from the beginning - that I realized why. And the reason for that is that it is harder to take L's, it was harder to take losses when your brand is yourself because it all feels so deeply personal. And so this year felt like the real metamorphosis of Age of Sexploration into a brand and like a community as opposed to like, “hi, it's me, Cady S Moore, MPH, CSE” which like is still absolutely part of it. But like Age of Sexploration as a brand and as a community is my number 10 because I'm just really fucking proud of it.
Sharilyn Wester (57:37)
I'm so proud of you.
Cady (57:38)
And I'm really excited for what's going to come next.[Sharilyn: I’m so proud of you] And yeah - so that was my number 10 [giggles].
Sharilyn (57:43)
And you have thousands of other people who believe in you too. I think [Cady: thanks] like over 5,100 and something?
Cady(57:51)
[Silly sounds] that’s just cause of the memes. That’s just cause I’m funny.
[Sharilyn:
[Laughs] It’s just cause I’m funny and hot.
Cady Moore (57:55)
You only like me cause I’m funny and hot and that's okay. It's fine. It's okay and because I have perfect opinions and boobs.
Sharilyn (58:05)
[Laughs] Exactly.
Cady (58:06)
So, okay I put number 11 on here because I knew that we both would align on this I put Wicked and then I altered it to Wicked / Stephen Schwartz because we came to the realization recently that Stephen Schwartz also wrote Prince of Egypt. Which is another one of our like [gasps] … Hans Zimmer.
Sharilyn Wester (58:24)
Hans Zimmer. which one of the ways we are the same person, not only the same stims, but Hans Zimmer, that movie, [Cady: Mhm] it's that's that's like the the Catholic and the Jewish in you clapping, high fiving fundamental movies. [Cady: Chest bumping] Yeah, absolutely. So, number 11 slash your number 10 was Wicked
Cady
Tee hee hee. Tee hee.
Sharilyn Wester (58:43)
Yes, absolutely. I'll embrace that as well. No, I love that. Do we want to take a quick sponsor break?
Cady Moore (58:51)
Sure do.
[Instrumental Music]
Cady Moore (59:02)
Well welcome back everyone, so we are going to do a rapid fire ins and outs of 2024 - or ins and outs of 2025. And so we're going to popcorn our ins and then we're going to popcorn our outs. [Sharilyn: Rapid fire] And we are going to try to do our best to not explain too much, but some of them might need explaining and that's also OK. [Laughs] So so so bear with us.
Sharilyn (59:42)
Yeah. Go down the list, baby. I'm ready.
Cady (59:46)
Yaaaas. All right. I'm going to start with asking for what you want, both in bed and everywhere else. You can't expect people to know what you want and you can't expect to get what you want if you don't ask for it.
Sharilyn Wester (59:58)
Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, yeah.
[Laughter]
Sharilyn Wester (1:00:08)
Sorry, you were giving me really good energy there.
[Laughter]
Cady Moore (1:00:13)
Rapid fire. We said rapid fire Sharilyn.
[Laughter]
Sharilyn Wester (1:00:16)
And I start stimming because I'm so happy about you. It's true. Okay. Mine also kind of as a playoff of yours is identity work, learning who you are, learning what your triggers are. What are your “I am’s”? Are you saying I am a bad worker? I am a good person. I am terrible with time. I am not great at responding. What are these fundamental truths about yourself that you tell yourself? And how do your behaviors inherently inform these worlds and these realities that we create for ourselves? So doing identity work [makes grunt noise] , in for 2025 - you!
Cady Moore (1:00:54)
That’s so hot. Wow. [chuckles] No I'm just like damn I need to read that. Okay my next one is internal condoms also known as female condoms but internal is the inclusive way to call them. They're by FC2 and they are so underrated and they have really been helping my very sensitive coochie handle penetrative sex again because sometimes the friction from an external condom is just a little too much, so internal condoms in for 2025. You can also get a free prescription. So I get 36 mailed to my house every three months. I'm not having that much sex, but….so if you need condoms, I’ll have them [laughs]. I'll be, I'll be the condom mule. [Laughs] It's me, Cady, the Condom Mule, yes.
Sharilyn Wester (1:01:51)
And everyone's been saying that about you around town, Dolly. Okay, my next one. [Cady: She's been really mewling those condoms] She's been mewling hard. My next one, we already touched on it a bunch this episode, but Art of Detachment. Go.
Cady (1:01:48)
Healing your intersex ed deprived teen. I feel like there is so much that teenage Cady didn't know how to communicate and now I get to communicate. So I'm healing her.
Sharilyn Wester (1:02:04)
Ooh, I fucking love that, yeah. And so great also for adults to look at that, both men and women. [Cady: Mmhm] Okay, mine, art as a discipline. I know before I was talking about engaging in art as a therapeutic practice, but we work out to fuel our bodies. We go to therapy to fuel our minds. We engage with community to engage our souls.
Sharilyn( 1:02:30)
Why not use art also as a discipline in order to work out your self-reflective behaviors and habits? This can be as little as doing a drawing, doing a painting, listening to your favorite album and reflecting on how that makes you feel, writing a poem, reading poetry, looking up other art forms that you want to try. You can get air-dry clay from Walmart for super cheap. Make some little air dry clay figures, paint them, give them as gifts, give them to yourself, whatever. Start becoming more disciplined about practicing art the same way you would working at your body and working at your brain and therapy because I'm becoming an art therapist and this is something I want to stress. Okay, your turn, bam.
Cady Moore (1:03:14)
Mh. Hot. Erotic fanfic as self care. And what that is code for is that I really need to spice up my erotic media. I am guilty of the ADHD traits of getting into something and just like sticking with what I know. And yes, novelty seeking is also a thing, whatever. That's not what we're talking about today. So erotic fanfic as self care. I need to spice up my erotic media. So that is in for 2025.
Sharilyn Wester (1:03:41)
Yes, Amazing. In for me, sitting with negative feelings. If you are someone who is an avoidant person, if you are someone who - especially in polycircles - experiences jealousy and does not and wants to do anything you can to fix that feeling in the moment or distract yourself or whatever - sitting in the feeling, sitting it, don't run, sit. How is your body feeling in this moment? How is your heart feeling in this moment? What is coming up for you? Let's just sit. Let's not react. Let's just sit with it. Let's just look at it curiously. So sitting in negative feelings. And this could be anything, anger, whatever. Also as a form of self care. Next one. You go.
Cady Moore (1:04:24)
Sex Ed Trivia. Technically, it was also in for 2024, but I'm really trying to get this thing to be a regular occurrence. So we've been testing out venues and it's in for 2025. So find me on Monday, January 20th, dissociating from politics with an abortion fundraiser, Sex Ed Trivia at Oak Park Brewing. Follow me on Instagram at Age of Sexploration for more info. To you.
Sharilyn Wester (1:04:51)
Yeah. Reading for pleasure. I have read so much this past year because of school and I am neglecting my need for reading just for fun, reading something silly, reading smut, reading fantasy, taking a dive on a new series. I hyperfixate on Sarah J. Maas's works and I always go back to them as comfort reads. And while that is very good and I am happy to do that because it makes me happy. And why would I not want to go relive in these worlds? Let's branch out a little bit and not have Timothee Chalamet be the catalyst for that. Anyway, okay. That was a Dune reference. Okay, go, your turn.
Cady Moore (1:05:28)
I know, I love it. Mushrooms of the magic variety. [Sharilyn: Mmh - of the magical variety.] Those were also in for 2024, but they're in for 2025 too. I think that we all, they heal so many things and they bring all the things out that we've been hiding from and running from and they make the world beautiful [in a silly voice] beautiful. And they make all the sharp corners feel softer and I just, I've - I switched to those instead of my SSRIs that's not me giving medical advice. [Sharilyn: Yeah] Don't do that without talking to your doctor. Yeah. Moo-shrooms.
Sharilyn Wester (1:06:03)
Right. Right. Right. Right. Don't sue us. Yes. My next one. JOMO. Joy of missing out. If you are someone who is an anxious attacher, if you are someone who is a planner, if you are someone who needs to be in everything, what if you just weren't? [Cady gasps] What if you just didn't? What if you just stayed at home and like took a bath? [Cady: Stop attacking me, I'm right here.] Right. What if we didn't participate in everything that's going on and instead schedule larger group things or what online - like - doing a FaceTime from home or like doing a virtual girls night instead of all of us going out and spending a ton of money and all of that.
Sharilyn (1:06:42)
What if we just like we are invited to all the things that we said no to certain things because we don't know how we're going to feel in the moment. Unless that you have to RSVP quickly in which like absolutely I'll be the first one to text. But if it is something that is fluid or fluctuating give yourself that grace as well. Yours.
Cady Moore (1:07:00)
Spicy. Stardew Valley Co-op. I played it for the first time yesterday and it is... I'm in. I'm in. I'm in.
Sharilyn Wester (1:07:11)
Is it so cute?
Cady (1:07:12)
It's so cute and it's so much more fun. I do a lot of parallel play with my partners like we sit and we game next to each other and now we can just game with each other. And I really like it.
Sharilyn (1:07:37)
That's so cute. How many people can you co-op with? Is it just one at a time? [Cady: Up to 8!] Okay, so I'm getting Stardew Valley and we're gonna play.
Cady (1:07:45)
[In a grunting way] Yeeees. Our farm is called Bubberfly Farm.
Sharilyn Wester (1:07:48)
Okay, I'm showing up there. I've never worked on a farm before, but you know what? I can milk a maid, a cow.
Cady Moore (1:07:56)
You're gonna learn today. You're gonna learn today.
Sharilyn Wester (1:07:57)
I'll be a milker. Okay, my next one -
Cady Moore (1:08:00)
Of the mommy variety?
Sharilyn (1:08:01)
[In a sultry voice] Of the mommy variety.
[Cady makes air horn sounds]
Sharilyn (1:08:05)
I'm gonna put these two together or actually, no, these should be separate.
Cady (1:08:06)
No, you can put them together if you want to.
Sharilyn Wester (1:08:10)
One is collaborative sex. One is collaborative sex and this also does kind of lead into the next which is gay sex, which is very collaborative in my experience because you are not working with anatomy that has been...force fed to you through porn or - which is great - but media, whatever of like how the scripting for that goes. Let's collaborate. Let's talk openly about our needs. Let's check in with each other during. I think better communication just means it's gonna be hotter. And then obviously like another end is more gay sex, because I love gay sex.
Cady Moore (1:08:41)
Who doesn't?
Sharilyn Wester (1:08:42)
Yeah, exactly. You go!
Cady Moore (1:08:46)
Auntie status, I have been really, really deeply enjoying my opportunities to be a trusted adult to the littles in my life. And it is so healing for me to be able to spend time with the neuro spicy “gworls” and be like. Yeah, I know how your brain works. I have been your brain. Like I am your brain sometimes. Like this is so much fun. That's actually who I played Stardew Valley Co-op with one of my partner's nieces yesterday because she had emailed me asking if we could play Stardew Valley Co-op. And I was like, well, what am going to do? Say no. [Sharilyn: So cute] So we did. And it was just like so much fun. it's just so yeah. In for 2025 is Auntie Status.
Sharilyn Wester (1:09:36)
I love that. Okay, my next one is pretty basic. It's just revamping your space. I was looking around my room and I have a lot of great art made for me, which I want to display a little better, but I want to make my room cozier and more reflective of my taste. And as someone who's had children from when I was 20, it's often - my space is dominated about child accessibility and comfortability. So I haven't really been able to focus on my thing here. So yeah, my in is just revamping my space, thrifting, finding what I like rather than it just being dominated by kids.
Cady Moore (1:10:11)
Yeah. Hell yeah.
Sharilyn Wester (1:10:12)
Okay, outs for you. Or do you have more ins?
Cady Moore (1:10:16)
I have one more in than I have another collective in. [Sharilyn: Yes] My last in for 2025 is sleeping in. I used to be a 7 a.m. girly and I insisted that if I got up later than that I was being lazy and I don't remember what it was but something recently, I honestly feel like it may have been - I don't know - was someone on social media was like “who the fuck decided that like getting up late was lazy and going to bed early is not lazy?” And I was like damn you right so that's not to say I'm definitely still a morning person but my alarm is now set for 8 a.m. for the winter [Sharilyn: Yeah! Progress] and we're gonna enjoy our dark cozy mornings [Sharilyn: Yes we are] cuz I'm like I don't this is silly I work for myself I don't need to get up at 7 unless I want to yeah and then our last
Sharilyn Wester (1:10:52)
Yeah, absolutely. No, absolutely. Take that extra hour. You deserve it.
Cady Moore (1:11:09)
Yeah. And then our last one is GayDHD Podcasts. Shout out to Knee Deep Podcast. LOL. Shameless self-promotion. Cause obviously...
Sharilyn Wester (1:11:15)
Absolutely.
You're here, you're listening to this, you probably know why.
Cady Moore (1:11:17)
You're queer.
[Laughter]
Sharilyn (1:11:20)
Never gets old. Never gets old.
Cady (1:11:24)
Okay, my first out is not using… I was going to write not using dental dams and then I recognized as an educator that the reason people don't use dental dams is because they don't know how to use dental dams. So using dental dams to protect your partner with a vulva and yourself. There's also a great brand called Lorals if you use the code “age of sexploration” at checkout, you will get 10 % off your first order but they are latex panties that you can wear instead of having to hold the dental dam in place but also yeah. Out is not knowing how to use dental dams because vulvas deserve protection too.
Sharilyn (1:12:12)
Now I'm imagining using a dental dam and I'm distracted. OK.
Cady (1:12:13)
Mmm rats I'm so disappointed by that.
[Laughter]
Sharilyn Wester (1:12:18)
On that note, my first out is biphobia. Guys, I'm tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I think primarily for me as a queer person, the number one thing that's hindered my ability to self embrace is biphobia, not only obviously just like within our culture, but also within queer culture. So yeah, I think the jokes about it. I'm tired, guys. I get it. It's funny. A lot of us are baristas or we're tattooed or we have - are neurodivergent or we like Subarus, you know, [Cady: Or we sit cross-legged in our chairs.] or we yeah, or we listen to to Ethel Cain, whatever it is. I get it. I do all those things. I don't have a Subaru though. So you know what? Take your biphobia elsewhere.
Cady Moore (1:13:18)
That's actually great. Yeah, no, I love it. And that's a great segue to my next one. Imposter syndrome of all kinds, but specifically of the queer variety, talking to myself specifically. That is out for 2025. You don't have to prove you're gay. [Sharilyn: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's amazing. No] You don't need to - your manicure - I'm holding my manicure up so you can see my two short nails. Like you don't have to do that, you know? I mean, but I wanted to, but whatever.
Sharilyn Wester (1:13:47)
Yeah, mine that we talked about earlier, sliding scale boundaries. That's an out. [Cady: Yeah] We stick to our boundaries, we enforce them. We don't always err on the side of compassionate and understanding because we also need to show that to ourselves through maintaining boundaries.
Cady Moore (1:14:05)
Out is, I actually had this on the list and then took it off and I got distracted looking at her. Out, ignoring the ball python in the corner. Her name is Lilith.
Sharilyn Wester (1:14:12)
Yes, yeah, she's also on, she's our other guest.
Cady Moore (1:14:16)
She's here, she's queer, get over it.
Sharilyn Wester (1:14:17)
She's really gay, and she's like so gay, I her name is Lilith. I don't, whatever. Your turn.
Sharilyn Wester (1:14:06)
I love that.Okay, my next one. With sliding scale boundaries with being a people pleaser, this one is “heart time and affection” as a public service. You do not owe everyone your time. You do not owe everyone your urgency. You do not owe everyone compromise in their favor. And you don't always have to fucking be nice and smile when a man tells you to smile. [Cady: Mh] So as a people pleaser, that one's been hard because I'm like, well, they were nice to me, of course. Why wouldn't I want to be nice? But you know what? Let's stop, guys. OK, yours.
Cady Moore (1:15:07)
I’m over it. My... this is not my next one but it's a good segue. Urgency. Urgency is out. I'm over it. It's fake. It's all fake. There are very few things in this world that are urgent and I am not a doctor. So... like that.
Sharilyn Wester (1:15:26)
Yeah. Or an air traffic controller.
Cady Moore (1:15:28)
Yeah, totally. Definitely not that.
Sharilyn Wester (1:15:33)
Right, absolutely. My next one is de-centering romantic relationships. This has been something that's been really helpful in the past few years, but I think in my experience, I feel my fullest and happiest and most well when I am making time and space for connections that are not romantic in nature, that are creative connections that are queer connections that are just friendships, reconnecting with family that really feeds me. So, I mean, maybe less of like the “don't do this” in centering your relationships, romantic relationships, and “do more of this” in fulfilling your areas of life outside of that, that then become bountiful and feed you.
Cady Moore (1:16:17)
Mmh. Look at that reframe, you're so good, baby. My next out is the word intimacy as a euphemism for sex. I'm really over it. Like -
Sharilyn Wester (1:16:27)
Guilty. I'm guilty. I'm so guilty. I am.
[Laughter]
Cady Moore (1:16:35)
It's okay, one of my partners does it too and I think I've finally broken that habit. But I'm like, because by using intimacy as a euphemism for sex, we're implying that it's the only way to access intimacy. And as someone who had to relearn how to have sex last year, like, yeah, we gotta stop.
Sharilyn Wester (1:16:56)
Yeah, we as in me, I'm telling myself that really intensely.
Cady Moore (1:17:01)
You're good. I'm not yelling at you. Don't worry.
Sharilyn Wester (1:17:06)
No, you can. And please, if I do it again, call me out because it is something I do need to reshare or reframe. For me is getting scared by edibles. And by this, mean when you take 10 milligrams because you used to take 10 milligrams and then all of a sudden you get scared and you need to phone a friend or like you can't you can't be alone on your phone anymore. You need some like music. You need to take a bath. You need to take a lap. Yeah, I've had that where I've called one of my best friends, Hannah, and I'm like. She's like, hey, what's up? What are you doing? I'm like, my edible scared me, so I needed to talk to you.
Cady Moore (1:17:38)
[In a toddler voice] I'm scared.
Sharilyn Wester (1:17:39)
Yeah, I'm feeling everything right now. So yes, that would be fine. What about yours?
Cady Moore (1:17:43)
That is very relatable. Psychiatrists that don't ask you about your sex life. [Sharilyn: Mmh] I keep having coaching clients who are on meds that tank their libido and their doctors just like don't even ask them about it. Sex is a valid part of our well-being and your psychiatrist should be asking you about your sex life when they're asking you about your appetite and your sleep. Like just full stop. So that's what's out.
Sharilyn Wester (1:18:01)
Right. Yeah, bar none. Yeah. My next one is loud noises. No, I will not elaborate. I just really don't like loud noises and I'm over it. So if you could please quiet down, stop with all this balloon nonsense and overhead jets, jump scares, all those I'm leaving behind in 2024. Thank you.
Cady Moore (1:18:19)
Mmm. Ugh. I'm so with you. We... It's all just a little overstimulating, okay?
Sharilyn Wester (1:18:25)
Yeah, I think that's what it is. This is this is me on my hands and knees, sweating, naked, begging in front of you. Please, please turn down your phone volume when you're in public. I don't need to hear your facetime call. I'm trying to look at green pepper prices and I can't do this, ma'am. I can't.
[Laughter]
Cady Moore (1:18:48)
I got got with that one.
Sharilyn Wester (1:18:49)
My next one is loud noises while being scared on the edible. I think that's, yeah… Okay, so TikTok has this one video that pops up. It's like an 8D version of a song. When you have headphones in, it literally will travel from one of your headphones and sound like it's around you and go onto the other one. And sometimes they have these pop-up ones that's a door knocking and it scares me and it's so loud. And I think it's like so...clear, it sounds like someone knocking and scares the pants off me all the time. And when I'm scared on an edible, that's my 13th reason. Like you just gave me my like - I'm going to go and I'm going to drive off a cliff now. Like, that was it for me. I'm scared. I came on here to look at like Christmas dogs and you're going to make me a fool like that. Get out of here. [giggles] Anyway, that's my last one. What about you?
Cady Moore (1:19:36)
My last one is Cybertrucks, [giggles] but like I feel like we already knew that. [giggles] I hate them. I literally almost told a guy at - [Sharilyn: I sent you a really good TikTok on this today’] okay, I'll go watch that later, but I literally saw a guy at Costco and I wanted to be like, “do you know your car's ugly?” And then I saw he had a little kid with him and I was like, I don't wanna bully him in front of his kids. It's not nice, but like…
Cady Moore (1:20:08)
Yeah, I saw one on the day of the election. [Cady: No. no] And let me tell you, it was all downhill. We started low and we went lower.
Cady Moore (1:20:17)
Yeah, no, no, no. That's a no for me, dog.
[Insert audio clip of man saying “it’s definitely a no from me dawg”]
Cady Moore (1:20:24)
And on that note, new things for the pod. Patreon is launching in the new year. We are super excited. This episode will be the first one that well, we'll see. We may put some back episodes on there, but this will be the first one that's going to be uploaded with video. You can find us at patreon.com/c/kneedeeppodcast The link will be in the show notes. You can send your listener questions to kneedeeppodcastmailbag@gmail.com. You can also send us your guest suggestions and your topic ideas because 2025 is going to bring more guests. It will also bring some merch probably because why the fuck not? And yeah, and that's everything we're looking forward to in 2025.
Sharilyn Wester (1:21:10)
Yeah, that's our 2024 recap and our sneak peek into 2025. So if you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe, rate and share it with your friends. Post on Instagram. Don't forget to support queer creators. Like I mentioned today, I have a new platform on Instagram @QueerWomen'sPoetryCollective, that's supposed to be Queer and Women's Poetry Collective, where you can learn about, submit, or support queer and women poets.
Cady Moore (1:21:36)
And you can find us on Instagram at @KneeDeepPodcast to let us know more about what topics you want to hear, more guests, et cetera. Your ideas keep us excited and inspired.
Sharilyn Wester (1:21:47)
Until next time, take care of yourselves and each other. Stay spicy y'all!
Cady Moore (1:21:53)
Bye!
[Outro instrumental music with the words “knee deep in the passenger seat” at the end]